Man, this weekend was hard. I was sad. My wife was sad. We were sad, and that’s okay, but it was just a hard couple of days.
We got in the car to avoid sitting at home in the hurt and just drove. We ended up in the Sonic drive-through for half-off drinks, obviously. Pulling out of the parking lot, my wife, from the passenger seat, asks.
“Babe, what do you need right now?”
Without hesitation, I responded.
“A playbook. I need a playbook.”
Until that very moment, I had never needed to know how to love my wife through that specific hurt. I had never thought through the words to say or the things to do. And how do I balance that with being a dad in those moments? How do I love my wife and my daughter in a moment when I am hurting too?
Add the layer of the fact that the way that my wife processes and the way I process are polar opposites.
When she asked me what I needed, I would have loved to say
“I need to go to the gym, put my headphones on, tuck away into myself and do some one-on-one time with the Lord.”
But what I knew she needed was to be close to me. To have space to be sad, but she needed to be sad with me. The way she needed to be taken care of was in direct opposition to the way that I needed to take care of myself.
How do you handle that?
I truly don’t know.
I needed a playbook.
How nice would that be?
A step-by-step blocking scheme on how to be productive against opposition.
A route tree that gives you the exact direction, angle, and distance in which to move your body to find success against any coverage the defense throws at you.
I have come to learn that as a husband and a father, as you move closer to the understanding and acceptance that you understand nothing, you also approach the point of humility needed to be the husband and father you need to be.
Every day I need to wake up and pray, “ Lord, teach me today to be the man that Jes and Beni need me to be.”
I think that is where testimony comes in and where the importance of community becomes so obvious.
While I was experiencing these things for the first time, there are people in my direct and indirect circles who have experienced them in their stories; many of them multiple times.
And while their approach to the situation may be different than mine or than ours, mutual understanding of a shared hurt and a kind word of “it’s going to be okay” go further than you would imagine a very simple sentence could.
“The heartfelt counsel of a friend is a sweet as perfume and incense”
Proverbs 27:9
I spent a lot of time this weekend praying.
“Holy Spirit, give me words. I don’t know what to do right now. Helper Help”
I did not do a good job of reaching out to my people. Not for lack of trust but for practiced responses to trauma. My first response is not to reach out for help but to tuck away and process. I am not saying that the latter is bad, but I am saying that the former is important. You can do both. I didn’t do either. And then I wonder why I am driving down the highway with my daughter in the backseat weeping to every worship song my shuffled playlist brings me.
You win some, you lose some.
Life is all about learning lessons, I guess.
I write that all to encourage you if you are sitting in a situation or a hurt and you don’t know what to do. If you don’t know how to feel. You don’t need to, and sometimes you can’t, you haven’t been through the lesson that teaches you how.
But there is a Helper who wants to help.
“All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of Your wings”
-Psalms 36:7
🙌🏼 Weekly Worship
Tiffany Hudson came out with new music recently. This isn’t it but I stumbled across this while searching “tiffany hudson” in apple. Lol.
The newest project is 🔥 but this is what has been in my ears for the last few days.
Give it a listen.
I have not posted a weekly podcast or a weekly book for a while here.
I recognize that, and I also understand why.
I haven’t been reading books or listening to podcasts. lol
I have been spending my encounter time in The Word. I go through ebbs and flows of what I am itching to read, and right now, I am on day 37 of my read the bible in 6 months plan.
When it comes to podcasts, my brain works differently than most, I am coming to realize. I can’t put a podcast on and drive, go to the gym, or really do anything else. I won’t retain what the episode or the sermon is talking about unless I am able to sit down and give it my full attention. I haven’t had a whole lot of that time in the last couple of weeks.
But you can always assume that the podcast of the week could be the Sunday message delivered at Mercy Culture Church.
Jump on the Mercy Culture Train with me.
💪🏼 Weekly Challenge
My weekly challenge is to surrender the need to be all-knowing.
We aren’t. We never will be. I say that in the most loving way possible, and I say it to myself.
I challenge you this week to stop trying to have it all figured out or to stop trying to manufacture the right things to say in a moment when you do not even know what to think.
Realize that you don’t have it figured out and work on being humble enough to surrender those things to the One who does.
🙏🏼 Weekly Prayer
My prayer this week is for husbands and fathers. A prayer that you would feel relief from the pressure of having it all together. That you would feel permission to feel and to prioritize loving and taking care of yourself over the tasks on your to-do list that help maintain an image of hanging in there. The laundry can wait. Take an hour to take care of yourself.
I hope this week’s edition of the Weekly Weapons Newsletter was beneficial to you in one way or another.
As this thing evolves, I would LOVE feedback or just responses.
You can email me at mitchparsonscreative@gmail.com
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Until next time.
PEACE✌🏻